From The Waiting to the Epiphany

I took this day off.  I did not think I could teach and wait on Peggy the nurse to call me. 

I slept for a while and then  I slunk to the den to sit in the recliner - to wait.

Tom Petty said the waiting is the hardest part,  and yes it is. 

I finally Peggy called at 3:30 and said that the surgery would not be Monday and would be Thursday instead.  I could come by the office on Monday after work to get more info and paperwork.

Holy cow.... how much waiting is required of me!!!

So, I really needed to start getting myself together.  The next day - the 12th - we were going to pick up our son Drew from the airport.  Drew had been in Bogota, Colombia, at the Inter-America Scout Jamboree for 12 days.  I wanted to see him and hear all about his trip, but I was battling a demon of my own making.

At this time, I did not know I had cancer.  It was basically a lumpectomy.  I had some issues I needed to get over and fast.  I was sucking the life out of myself and my family.

So, as John and Madeline and I were moseying around the hunting store in Southaven I had to decide.  Over a cabinet of pistols I decided that my attitude was going to make or break me.  If I sat around all sad-sack and being a weiney or I could do what I knew I would do.  Get over it and move on.

I have a life to live and that life is here with me now.  My husband and family love me and need me, ME!  Fun jackie!  Fun Mommy!  not pitiful, whiney Jackie.

So I decided to live!  Was I still afraid?  Yea - but you know I can do that afraid.  So,  just do it afraid. 

Sunday was liberating!  I listened to music again - which always makes me feel better.  having fun working on Madeline's science project .  I got to be me.

Did this change what was going to happen?  That I do not know, but I do know that it made a difference in myself and my attitude.  My new motto is:

Calcitraera asinus, tolle nominibus, et carpe diem.

Latin for - Kick ass, take names, and sieze the day!

Forever a Latin Buster!!!!